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King Harkinian
Julius Harkinian is the head of state of Hyrule. Biography When King Julius Harkinian''Mario and Luigi go to King Harkinian's Dinner Party'' was a newborn, he had already grown a beard and developed a tendency to carry a goblet around.Yukari Devastates The East Coast He eventually had a daughter, Zelda, and in 1993, they moved to Hyrule and met Link. By this time, The King was using a new goblet.A Meener Evil One day, while The King was talking to Link, his right eye exploded and he was temporarily replaced as ruler by Morshu.The Morshu Movie (1) The King eventually woke up while in recovery''The Morshu Movie (2)'' and, again leaving Morshu as his substitute, he went to Africa to promote safe sex.King Harkinian is Attacked by an Army of Angry Black Men While in Africa, The King was attacked by an angry mob after he defied a local leader by insisting on his right to eat shit. Luckily, he was rescued by Dr. Rabbit. Back in Hyrule, The King's friendship with Duke Onkled deteriorated after Duke Onkled held The King captive for a month as part of a twisted sex game. The King was rescued by Fat Mario and Gay Luigi, and The King then punished the duke by having Fari shit on him.The Twisted Sex Games of Duke Onkled Some time after that, The King went on a month-long fishing trip with Gwonam and brought fish back to Hyrule for dinner. He then changed his mind and went to Duke Onkled's for dinner, but when the duke announced he would serve spaghetti, The King ordered Fari to detain him.King Harkinian and Gwonam go Fishing The King later heard that Duke Onkled was under attack by Ganon, so he went to Gamelon to help him and sent a letter to Fat Mario and Gay Luigi, asking them to send Weegee to Hyrule if he was gone for a month. Fat Mario and Gay Luigi then had The King imprisoned to ensure Weegee would replace him, but Link set The King free, and The King then deposed and punished Weegee.Weegee becomes king....well tries to The King was subsequently captured by Ganon, who threatened to eat The King for dinner. However, The King convinced Ganon to eat fellow captive Duke Onkled's penis instead, and while Ganon was eating, The King escaped. It then took The King a month to make his way back to Hyrule.King Harkinian uses all his Wit and Cunning to Escape from Ganon Later, The King asked his daughter Zelda to make dinner for Duke Onkled and Ganon, but Zelda refused, so The King tried making toast by himself. In the process, he started a fire and was forced to flee with Gwonam. The pair ended up back in Africa, where The King ran out of money after a month. Even worse, the natives found The King and attacked him, but he was saved when they were repelled by Zelda.King Harkinian Makes Dinner After The King returned to Hyrule, his head was severed and ended up in Sparta, where it was recovered by Link and Gwonam.The Evil Faces of The King (Over Nine Thousand Toasters II) After his head was reattached, The King randomly attacked Link and Zelda with his Dinner Blaster. He ended up pursuing Link and Gwonam in an airship, but before he could catch up to them, Gay Luigi crashed into The King's aircraft and sent it plummeting to the ground.DINNER BLASTER Back in his normal state of mind, The King organized a feast on board his ship in Hell, but the event was literally crashed by Mama Luigi. Enraged, The King demanded that Mama Luigi scrub all the floors in Hell, but offered him mercy if he could perform a worthy toast. This turned out to be a mistake, as Mama Luigi inadvertently activated his lazar and burned all the food.Over Nine Thousand Toasters: Spaghetti (Part 1 of 3) The King and his guests then went to eat at Hell's Kitchen instead.Over Nine Thousand Toasters: Spaghetti (Part 3 of 3) After The King made it back to Hyrule, he went away for a month, and when he returned, he found Duke Onkled trying to rape Zelda. The King then ordered the duke's imprisonment.King Harkinian Somewhat Redeems Himself The King later tried to make everyone in Hyrule Castle eat his shit, but was faced with unanimous opposition. Frustrated, The King then set out to make the entire world eat his shit and found an ally in Solid Snake.The King's Epic Adventure 1 So far, he has only succeeded at his goal in Japan.The King's Epic Adventure 4 Act 1 Skills and Abilities King Harkinian apparently has the ability to regenerate in a new body when he dies. This process leaves behind his lifeless previous body.The King Dies The King also appears to possess limited precognitive powers; in a dream, he foresaw Fat Mario mocking Gay Luigi for being gay, which set off a cataclysmic series of events. When The King woke up, he rushed to the Mushroom Kingdom and punched Fat Mario out before he could insult Gay Luigi.The last stand against WeeGee Part 3 The King is a capable pilot if his handling of Gwonam's X-wing is any indication. After he stole it, he performed a barrel roll, flew into outer space, and even blew up the Death Star.Gwonam Buys an X-wing on eBay He once flew an aircraft to battle Mario Head, but was shot down.Mario's head is EVIL He sucks at computer programming, though; when he built a robotic replacement for Link, all it did was insult him.MechaLink In spite of his strange dietary tastes, The King has some skill with conventional cooking, and his burgers were endorsed by M. Bison.King Crisis Part 1 The King has taken on the duties of Santa Claus since he shot Santa Claus dead,KingMas but he isn't particularly good at it, and he destroyed Santa's sleigh when he collided with an airplane.A Very Youtube Poopy Christmas The King also wields the Dinner Blaster, a weapon that can instantly make its target fat, as well as the Dinner Blaster II, which simply blows people away.Dinner blaster 2 Finally, The King can use his eyes as a camera, with a flash powerful enough to knock down Hyrule Castle.A Camera a Day Keeps the Gwonam Away Personality The King is very protective of his daughter, Zelda, and had Duke Onkled sent to prison for asking her for sex.King Harkinian Somewhat Redeems Himself Before then, The King seemed to have a close friendship with the duke, and he once spent a whole month aiding him.King Harkinian Aids Duke Onkled The King also has a lengthy relationship with Dr. Rabbit, who knew The King when The King was still a newborn and later rescued The King from Africans. The King doesn't seem to care much about Link, considering him "expendable,"Zelda learns not to question her father but was angered when Namowg attacked Link.Meet the Namowg At some point, The King ruined the library of I.M. Meen, who held a grudge and later harassed The King.Something Evil This Way Comes The King seems to dislike spaghetti and had Duke Onkled punished for offering the food to him. Before he began obsessively insisting that everyone eat his shit, he already had some familiarity with the concept; Ganon told him that shit was "the greatest," and The King contemplated eating his own shit after he ran out of money while isolated in Africa. Disturbingly, The King seems receptive to cannibalism, since he reacted positively when Dr. Rabbit offered him "black children" for dinner. The King also seems to have a morbid sense of humor, and he laughed when he saw Gordon Ramsay's head explode. Personal Life King Harkinian lives in Hyrule and is the land's head of state.Hyrule Dating Videos The King has had a YouTube account, named "DinnerWarrior", since November 14, 2008, and is a creator of YouTube Poops, having over 1,000 subscribers.The King Gets 1000 Subscribers He also uses eBay as Harkinian403.The King runs out of Munf-Munf The King has owned a Toyota Hybrid, which he drunkenly crashed one a tree''The King Gets a Car'' and was later blown up by Waxonator.Waxonator Leaves the Cave The King has also written a guide to making toasts and dinner speeches. He also supports the Wii,Link Gets a Job at Gwonam's Restaurant So He Can Earn Enough Money to Buy a Playstation 3 even though he was initially so frustrated with it that he killed the people who delivered it to him.The king gets a television (and a wii) The King also appears to be tolerant of homosexuality, since he allowed Gay Luigi to marry Gwonam; in fact, he forced Gwonam to go through with the ceremony. The King might be gay himself; he once said he was gay, although he immediately retracted the statement and moved to San Francisco,The King accidentally admits that he's gay and he willingly performed oral sex on Duke Onkled once. However, The King has rejected the sexual advances of Link''Shenanigans'' and Dr. Robotnik. Health Issues King Harkinian is a smoker and an alcoholic, and claims that drinking helps him think in the morning. Because of this, his liver is shriveled and black.Typical Sunday Afternoon He is also obese and suffers from diabetes,The King is too fat to eat dinner and Denny's even warns its employees about him.The King Goes To Denny's The King lost his penis after he accidentally slammed a door shut on it, but he was oddly undisturbed by the accident, and he even decided to eat his severed appendage for dinner.King Harkinian gets his Penis Stuck in a Door Luckily, he still has balls of steel.Over Nine Thousand Toasters: Spaghetti {Part 2 of 3) The King once literally lost his head, but he didn't appear to suffer any bleeding or pain and he even retained consciousness, although the experience may have caused him some brief mental issues, as shortly after his head was reattached, he attacked Link, Zelda, and Gwonam for no apparent reason. One day, The King's right eye suddenly and inexplicably exploded, and while he recovered, Morshu, and later Zelda, temporarily took his place as king. Yes, Zelda became the king. It's a long story. Sources Category:Alcoholics Category:Hylians Category:Males Category:Monarchs Category:Royalty Category:Smokers